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Also, the guy I liked said he wasn’t interested. He was pretty upfront about it, which is good & bad. I had a feeling he wasn’t interested, but I had to ask to be sure. Sure, I had a crush on him. I was looking forward to possibly being with someone for a little while, but I don’t think it was really heading in a long-term direction even if he had said yes. We shouldn’t have hooked up. He’s a nice guy, & what I mistook for flirting was him being friendly. People have done the same thing with me. Now is my turn to be rejected.
I keep thinking about how to ask him if he likes me. I’m waiting until I see him in person tomorrow. I want to know now, but I keep reminding myself that it will be better to wait. It feels like a big part of me is worried he will say he isn’t interested. It happened other times when I asked people. I know I could still be friends with him if he wants to just be friends, but it would be nice if the conversation goes differently.
I think worrying about tomorrow is also a new way for me to delay working on my paper.
I don’t know what to think. I can’t tell how the guy I like likes me. He has been sort of extra friendly towards me for a while, and I sort of behaved the same way towards him for a while, too: waiting for the other person to finish packing their locker; walking to the car together; messaging each other sometimes. We slept together a couple of weeks ago and haven’t really talked about it since. I don’t know if he thinks it was a one-time thing, or if he thinks I’m not interested in dating and wants to go out with me but doesn’t want to ask because I was retarded at the beginning of the semester and said something about not liking “traditional” dating–whatever the hell that means. Really, what I should have said is I’ve been on a lot of mediocre to bad dates. Because of these experiences, I’m a bit gun-shy about going out with people. A lot of those experiences were with people I didn’t care for in the beginning, so they were doomed from the start. I think, if I went out with someone I like, a normal date would work.
Last night, he drove me and another guy home from a concert. He dropped off the guy first, then he drove me back to my place. I kept waiting for him to bring up the thing from a couple of weeks ago or ask me out or try to kiss me or something. Instead, we kept talking about music stuff and what we are going to do next semester. I wanted to ask him inside–and if I wasn’t on my period, I might have–or at least ask him if he feels “that way” about me. Part of me says, if I have to ask, then he doesn’t. The other part of me says that’s stupid; I should ask. He even walked to the back of his car to help me get my stuff out of the trunk. He gave me kind of a long hug when he told me bye, and it seemed like neither of us really wanted to leave. I almost went back to ask him if he likes me. It’s hard for me to decide if he does those things because he’s a really nice and thoughtful person, or if it’s because he likes me. I’ll see him again on Friday. If he doesn’t bring it up then, I might ask him. I know I’m “supposed” to let guys chase me and not be so aggressive that I chase them off, but I can’t keep waiting. I spent too much time waiting for guys I like to ask me out, guys who flirt with me and don’t say anything–or, if they do, I don’t realize it until it’s too late. I’m trying to give him space to ask me himself, but it’s been a while. I want to know. Also, if he is hesitant because he thinks I’m not interested in more than what happened, I want to allay his fears and tell him he can ask me. Sometimes, I’m not a very patient person. 😛
What do you think?
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